What I am proud of....

I need to write creatively today. Not about a social welfare topic because being a MSW student is all about saving the world, today is my day off ;)

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Recently a woman by the name of Andrea at Superhero Journal posted on her life and her thoughts about making space.

Then Zoot posted these questions:

What do you think? Do you constantly find yourself amazed by other people online yet can’t see yourself in the same glowing light? Do you allow yourself pride in your work? Pride in yourself? Or do you give that pride to other people who are probably struggling with the same things you are?



I feel like the online community that I read is a group of a bunch of amazing people with their own gifts and talents. I am not sure how I fit into all of that. But I sure hell know that I can't compare myself to anyone with experiences and talents that I do not have. Yet I do, and while I want to be a super crafter with a super etsy shop, all the while being a super social work and a super wife and a super mom....(lol) Just writing it down looks like a crazy person...


The two bloggers mentioned above both have in many ways inspired me. Zoot for example inspired me to read Twilight, which has saved my sanity over the past year. I am not even kidding about that! That series has provided me an emotional space to get away from the heavy people problems that I have been encountering in social work and that is inspiring.


While I struggling with trying to do to much. I am a "yes" lady. I know that I can't do it all. (For example not dropping of SATC to Autumn when I said I would on mon.) But also knowing that I will get their tonight and I bless their family with a meal as well :) In the long run we can only do what we can. For me that means doing something nice for someone everyday and enjoying every minute with my family.


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Something that I am proud of is this...I stop pumping in December. But I was able to breastfeed and pump for 9 months while being away from the home for 60+ hours a week. It was a huge accomplishment and I felt really close to Milli and my mechanical baby (my breast pump :)) While I have taken less pictures of her and got to be around her less, I still feel like being in school, working, internship have all made me a stronger and better person. I feel really satisfied with the variety that exist in my life and how I get to transition from worker, to pre-professional, to mom.


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In the end it is a beautiful life and that is something to proud of.

 

motivate

Luis and I have been talking about motivation. What motivates us? What makes us get up and go? I write this because yesterday I spent almost the entire morning until 10am sitting around in a blanket watching Luis clean the house and take care of Matias. Granted I did have a cold starting and was not feeling 100 percent. (Lame excuse I know.)



What motivates me to do better. As I worked on a paper last night at the last minute for my social work school application for the U. I was thinking why am I doing this at midnight?!?!?! Get it together girl!!! I think that I have been doing some things better, so I don't want to beat myself up to much, but on the other hand, I want to make my life count. I don't want to live on my island "my couch". Just once in awhile. With baby2 quickly making an appearance it seems that life is about to get much more hectic.

I have been really inspired by this Amanda Soule's blog and life. I want to insert myself in there life. Is that possible :)

So the point of all of this, is that I need and want to get some stuff done. Matias is going for a visit to grandma and grandpa. For a couple of days, sounds good to me!

Happy New Year!

Hello 2009! Hello 26!

I used to dread my birthday on the 31st of December but I as I get older I find that it is pretty cool because I always get my new beginnings done in one fall swoop. For this year I have some pretty big goals, most are aspirations and not specific goals but I feel like yesterday I accomplished one (I finished a project, I clean the house with no assistance :)) and this is the momentum I need to keep going.

1. Finish projects...(no more half knitted, half sewn, half crochet projects, lying around) I actually did a preemptive clean and ripped apart all of my projects that were sitting there half-done. Now I am working to complete Christine's quilt square's and then I can move on to the baby leg warmer project I have planned for baby2.

2. Cook at home, not from a box. Matias and I have been eating out less, but most of our food is coming in a box. I would like to improve my culinary/meal planning skills, this is hard when I get home late, but I think with better execution it would be an easy area to improve upon. This parenting thing is about to get much harder, so any pre-planning that I can do is going to benefit me. (and Matias from staving once the baby gets here)

3. Get outside-One thing that I have notice is that Matias loves to be outside. I think that I could learn a thing or two from that attitude. In the winter it is a little harder, and our sledding excursion yesterday did not go well for me. But overall I want my kids to like being outside.

4. Take my health seriously. I have been in denial about my state of healthfulness for a long time. 2009 will be the year that I take it back. I want to be an example for my kids about what it means to be healthy.

5. Last but not least-To have an open mind. I think that setting aside expectations about what you want is a key to happiness. I not talking about the big things but I am saying, sometimes what I want is different than what everyone wants. I did this on New Year's Eve and I had one of the best birthdays I ever have had.

2008, was filled with ups and downs. But mostly ups, I am thankful for a healthy family. Thankful that we will be adding to our family and things look good with baby2. I am thankful for the friends I made this year. A couple of great memories that I don't think made it on to the blog. 1. Anniversary trip up north with Luis, which I received a lifetime passion for the movie Tristan and Isolde. 2. Going out to the farm with Ellen and Leo, I just love hanging out in the county gets my blood pumping. 3. Joining the River Heights Family, going to church every week keeps me sane. Enough said. 4. Book club, love hearing from other moms :)

Ok lets live!

Universal please get my messages

Over the past few weeks I have been dealing with some challenges in regards to health care and how to pay for it. I have not been sleeping well, worrying and over all have general anxiety about the whole situation. I have been asking God to just take away the worry...well today I figured out the majority of what I needed to, all thanks to a very sweet phone representative. I was so relived to get the answers I needed and from a person that was not judgemental of the entire situation. So I know that she will never read my blog, but I wanted to put out the gratitude into the universe so that she might get just a little bit of it.

I am excited that I start my online class in a few short days! I am ready to learn again. I am also am working diligently on my school applications and that is fun but it makes me anxious. So but whatever happens will happen and I will be grateful for that choice. Right Universe! :)

In other news, Matias is being a complete toddler today which is a nice way of say his powers are being used for pure evil. Except when he made flirty eyes at a new baby and blew her a kiss....other wise he has eaten 1 ego, 4 pieces of cereal, milk and some juice and is taking nap number 2 for the day. So I don't go insane.

PS Sam L I am glad you are back, I missed you girl!

Haircut!

Matias received his first official haircut on Sun. He watch Sesame Street and I cut.

The results we not to bad, just really short bangs :)

I have been really busy I started my first week back at Dakota Woodlands, working as the receptionist. So far so good! I am really happy to have something to occupy my time and keep me busy. When the holiday season starts I will be coordinating adopt-a-family and other Holiday time donations. Which was so much fun last year, so I am very happy to be part of that again.

I am working on applying to social work school. I have to track down academic references and write out my statements, It is quite a bit of work! But I am overjoyed at being able to pursue my dreams. I just hope I get in to school!!! Someone will take me. (I hope)

The other thing that I have noticed is that SAD is back (Season affective disorder) So get out and enjoy outside and the sun if it rears its ugly head!!!

What is so interesting about these past 2 weeks is how by losing my job, I have got my butt into gear. I thought after graduation that I should try to do something that was relevant to the "internships" that I had. In reality that path was not really what I wanted to do or really what my gifts are. I don't know why I did not realize that before. Well I guess that is what getting older and wiser is all about. I really wish sometimes I could go back in time and give my self a kick in the ass.....

Pardon my English

Did you know some days I can not remember how spell circle or I never spell together right. I started blogging to write better. I like to write if I have knowledge about a topic, and I can write a seriously mean introduction to an academic paper. That is where my little talent stops. If it was not for spell check I would have NOT made it through college or be able to blog.

I knew that something was different about me when in first grade I could not spell the word circle, and then my teacher covered all the pictures in my reading book. I went to have some test done, and sure enough I had “it” Dyslexia, the big D. You see my Dad has the D too. I have it less pronounced than him. Well, I met with a special teacher and I worked hard to get into advanced English in high school (fought with Mr. Richardson to recommend me). But I still felt stupid; I could write what I wanted to say it just never came out. My first year of college was awful I would ask friends to edit papers and they would say it looked fine, so I would turn it in. C. C. My school’s second language requirement made it worse, I can’t even spell in English how can I do in a different language. In the end I had to learn a few things one was how to accept positive feedback, to use the writing center, other students don’t have time to help you, and that my mom really understood me. With her support we developed a plan to write papers it went like this: write, send to mom, rewrite, go to the writing center, cry to mom, rewrite, send to my mom again, complain to mom, rewrite, and send it to her one more time. Turn the paper in.

Through this process I learned that there are things in life where only a person who truly understands you will be able to help you in the way you need. I never thought of my mom as the smart parent, but I learned though the process that a true sense of who a person is can make them smart in so many other ways. I often thought about what I would have done with out her. I think I would have never made it though. My professors would never understand the disconnect in my brain. In fact one said to me “but you speak so well, and that is all writing is…” I thought, really that is all it is…if it were only so simple. Many times when you come to terms with shortfalls in your life it is because of big events.

But blogging has given me the freedom to write in a way that makes me happy and come to a place safety and security about who I am and my abilities as a writer and not to have my mom proof read it. My blog is my written "home". When I do face criticism about my “writing” which came up in my job review, I think I can accept them and move on. I try my best and but even better I don’t feel stupid anymore when I can’t spell circle.

This post is for the scribbit April write away contest.